C. Eliott Friday's Journal|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
C. Eliott Friday's LiveJournal:
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|Thursday, February 28th, 2013|
I live at the end of a 5 and a half minute hallway...still waiting for her to show up...it's been 4 years...seems like 4,000...still I wait.
|Monday, May 19th, 2008|
|there are things........
there are things that might be not the things that I think are good things for me...all these things are just simple things that make the weird thing in my head overload, or stall out....
messy things (i.e.)...long, drawn out conversations that dont get to the point.
bland things...people who dont do what they are really good at...
High maintence things...women, men, kids, jobs, etc, etc....
.any questions???? Current Mood: cranky
|Thursday, May 15th, 2008|
|Oh to be simple.....
....where are we...what the Hell is going on....
the dust has just began to fall.....crop circles in the carpet
spin me 'round again and close my eyes, this cant be happining..
when busy streets and masses of stop to hold there heads heavy...
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines (you wont catch me 'round here)
now I die
they were here first
(what you say)...oh you dont have to belive, you decided this
(what you say)that it's all for the best, of corse it is
(what you say)..oh man, what did you say...
crimson tears are falling out the sky..
all the things that question how and why...you dont care a bit....you dont care a bit
you dont care a bit.
-Imogene Heap- Current Mood: blank
|Thursday, May 8th, 2008|
|where I come.........
I have to come here from time to time to remember who I am....this is really the last place I would really jot down anything that i want hidden...I like it here only because it reminds me that Iam who Iam and what Iam is what Iam....fleeting memories come screaming up to me now about the D.O.E and the best thing that came out of it was having Jen do what I asked....she just smiled and said "absolutly, only cause I wana see what it does for me"...and we were both right....per my request she snuck up to my room and vaccumed my dorm room wearing nothing but hot-ass patties...she was laughing and throwing the vaccum cleaner around and starting to get off on it...I just sat there cracking up saying..."Hey, missed a spot"..."anything yet?"...she stomps on the kill switch and takes a flying leap onto the chair where Im sitting,mounts me and grinds me and throws her hair in my face and says...."yep....absolutly something!!!"...as I realize I have this latino godess griding on my lap and we both are cracking up (yes pretty people can have a sence of humor....not to mention a brain)....it's all about to get out of hand when dumb ass Richard W. comes in doing a fire run and see's this all taking place....we were caoght red handed and red faced.....he looks at this seane and then takes off....going to tell on us.....things got better from there....as we got up and vowed to do this again...Jen explains as she's getting dressed that I just introduced her to something entirely new...and foreplay would never be the same again....we high 5ed and, continued to crack up...walked down into the rec-room and recieved our consequences....was it worth it....yep....just because, beautiful people can play with 40 punk rock drymmers and always have a good time, and send me thank you notes from time to time....wait till I tell you about the 30-day re-eval!!!!!....my back is still sore
|Tuesday, April 29th, 2008|
|lost in a pool of sillyness....(as I've said before...)
....This is all too great....leaving some space behind to let in the ones who never really walked around in the attic with me while looking for bogarts daily growel....leaving more space to tell them all about my Dad, wondering if these new insaniacs are really the ones who will help me carry the message to the sick and suffering...knowing I have more important things to do instead of play with old boring toys....somewhere in a solid square wave....I have found peace....letting go is hard to do but fun!!...and taking back the important things I discoverd while at the great fact group is vital to my spirit.....teasing her about the "taint peircing" and the fact that her mother is a hard ass was a good day....seeing myself in a reflection in the mirrior at Alta Vista and I was looking healthy keeps me comming back to the same ol' vision I've had since 2002....that jaw chomping on a block of cheese...were these good things???..yes!!!!!....is it good to remember???...yes....will I get that back??...I dont know....but something will come up....new news from the front gathers information about the silly side of me....as I told the judge...."Iam here"...........I've been there....but now Iam here....ready, willing and able.....cracking up at bobby's new shirt, and snaping jennifers bra was the highlight...so far......this all for me....I was there...Iam here, and I will be there...in my heart and mind....alone with a thousand friends....again.....to everything new and improved....old and wise....
LET'S ROCK !!! Current Mood: dorky
|Thursday, April 24th, 2008|
|All I need is somewhere else
I wish Lacuna inc. really existed....the things at the core of some memories are still taking up space in the ol' nogin....but as it were I guess....I miss the smell of her pillow, I miss the crooked tooth, I miss veesta lamb, I miss the sound she made when i said something silly, I miss her rolling her eyes when I flicked her glasses, I miss the sex, I miss the sound of her breathing while she chewed, I miss the fact that she paid the bills on time, I miss the phone calls from work when she was ready to be picked up, I miss the sound of her footsteps when she was comming down the stairs, I miss the fact that she found me (no matterwhat) irresistably funny, I miss wondering what we were going to have for dinner...I miss the long naps fully clothed on the monster sized bed, I miss her reading at night, I miss her fingers, I miss her singing in her sultry country way, I miss her tattoos, I miss her missing me.....Im glad at least I have the memories to miss.....I miss you Miss Fondilly Foau.....
Come home soon.....
|Wednesday, April 16th, 2008|
|A zillion years later......
OK... a breif history for the pacific northwest angel :
lots of drugs, meth, crack, booze,heroin, bands, sex, good love, marrage, kinky thoughts, jamming with boy, music, space/time, dark hallways, thumbing thru the suicide notes, looking for a way out, not finding a way out, drifting far, far away from the "one" who made me happy, felt the devil on my back, the devil calles my cell...I answer...hadol, vicodin, thorazine drip, campral, zoloft, abilify, naltrexone, methadone, vivarex, buspar, thoughts gone crazy, dominion, vodka...lots of it, maryland,found peace on a pillow next to me....wedding rings, our mall, saturn car wash, spousal abuse, blackout, death, betrayal, broken heart, crush on evil, death do us part, smile tuns upside down, stole a bottle...10 vicodins and an OXY for kicks, more vodka, promotion party, she comes home, Im dead already, flashes of pulling, punching, scratching, screaming, banging, freaking, squatting, crying, laughing, handcuffs, drunk tank, restraining order, sadness, remorse, regreat, walking down hunter mill with the demons, waiting for a white truck...never came, knock on C.A's door, save me my lovley Ex, food, love, warm bed, happy son and green day, still dead, in a dream that cant be explained...more food, court, jail, anger, frustration, no hope, lost cause, no clue, no god, bad food, winter chills in 1C block of Fairfax county jail, will next cell, deputies, yelling, spirit black, release, rehab, waking up, seeing straight, jennifer, anthony, vance, eric, lance, randy, bobby, lloyd, dwanald, flavia, gina, rehab, med line, tighten up, rounding on it, seeing straighter, sleeping like a baby, getting better, growing pains, 4th step, leroy, bush hill, relationship in rehab, flavia smiles, jennifers tits, flavias hands, counslers, probation officer, getting clean, getting better, smiling, eating, drumming, thinking, letting go, waking up, forgivness, blessed, protective order, 1 year clean, smiling, happy, alive again....for now.
Friday Current Mood: awake
|Friday, December 22nd, 2006|
|act as if
....someone told long ago to act as if.....it aint working
|Thursday, August 3rd, 2006|
|all around the shitty little bush
"...everything is normal but still insane when your standing upsidedown in the rain your toes start to itch and your face turns red, then you start to think that your better off dead."
....these were words I saw written on a napkin while in Sweden some years ago...I was with my buddy Art and we were waiting for a train in a bar driking the yummiest draft beer and it name was unpronouncable...ooops ran out of patience...got to run.
|Tuesday, June 27th, 2006|
walking towards the fireplace in that weird house Im always walking in, and there was a tone in the air...like a hairdryer moff in the distance...I was wondering if it was my sister getting ready for school but I think i realized later it was the brething of the devil.
|Sunday, June 18th, 2006|
|Saturday, October 15th, 2005|
|When The Last Bomb is Droped.......
....And on and on and on.....Jesus....where is that god dammed clip board that had all my wonderful notes????, now I have to pontificate without a net!!!!!Oh well just as well...Not like everything revolves around YOU anyway(s)...Im looking out at a wonderful fall day...my "Power Window" is in full focus on the futures events...how I got here I dont know...It's been a long time...I was thinking a month ago that I was dying and It was Reallys out,,,the have a god dammed cure for what was ailing me and now Im depressed...I thought I was going to get off this Island after all and get a "Move on"...but noooooo, Science WILL save us...even those who are will to dance with notion that all is well in the ground...(or in a urn)...my past comes into focus...I realize now, that everything I thought I was turns out to be the reality of the person Iam....and that my friend is my new montra...."Iam"...try it out...feel good, goes down likje a mountain stream......Ohhhh wait....my favorite commercial is on...hang on....ahhhh, ok...it's nice to let go and have some asshole trying to sell me better Pizza!!!!, ...Along with other changes...my buddy Eric keeps dying and dying...and so does our friendship...Wow...this is the first time I've ever typed with sunglass'z...and I feel like Im on my own video game...and so it was...the day at the Grove tured out to be......
|Wednesday, July 27th, 2005|
...Wow!!!!, I forgot about SEX...I wonder if Im still good at it????, I wonder if I ever was????!!!!
|Tuesday, July 5th, 2005|
|Good God...where's my Fucking Bourbon!!!!!
...Travling here umoung the fucking stars has brought me out of a 12 year drout...I mean BEER!!!!, I finally made it to fucking Magrathea and I was surprised to find that they had their own Beer!!!!, ...I've waited till I was 345 to start drinking again...and now I find that I was missing out...all those silly chances I took along the path would of gone down much better if I simply let her go and started drinking more fucking BEER!!!!, now that The Hichikers Guide to The Galaxy has re-apeared in this life time....I belive it's time to start all over again....OK....let drink!!!!!
|Monday, July 4th, 2005|
|...for the want of a thing.....
...I want anything...anything at all...this has to be all I want....anything at all....does it make me happy to want anything???..or do I have to say "I Need something!!"...something and anything are two different things ya know...well, you'll have to check out what Deep Thought has to say on the matter....but really...it's all just a bunch of hooooey....Something that has to do with anything is what I really need...and it's the smell of sheets after a week of sleeping in them with a high fever...it's an old friend asking you to have sex with her...it's an Ex-wife who decides to move to New Mexico and start her own New Age Woo Woo business...and will leave you alone for the rest of your life, and no more bullshit judgements. It's the confused Girlfriend waiting for "the answer" to fall out of GOD's lap and directly into hers so she can have someonelse make a decision for her...well...we all have that "something,Anything" we need...and mine is curlled up in a ball on a sofa in the San Fernando Valley looking for the answer.....silly girl...the answer is.......42!!!!!
|Sunday, July 3rd, 2005|
|Am I still on Howland?????
...Everyonce in awhile when I look up....I see a reflection of the things that used to be....me, her, them...everyone....everyone...but one woman still cant come to comfort me and tell me everythings going to be alright....I lost her somewhere south of Howland Island...see never said goodbye, she never hurt me, she never stood up on a soap box and told me what to do...or better yet....how to do it...she just smiled and flew away and said to meet her here...well here Iam...waiting...just waiting for her....am I lost???, or is she....how long till I know when I can get off this barren Island and go home????...why is it always like this when Im in love with a woman I have never met......yet
|Sunday, June 19th, 2005|
|Sometimes you cant make it on your own
...On my Own....again, Im scared and mad, I feel like I've lost something I cant ever get back...at this point I think it's time to crawl inside and withdrawl for awhile...I hate lonelyness...eventho I have an army of good,good, friends and support and Im surrounding myself with theire love and armor I still feel naked and scared, I dont have my buddy along with me anymore....she figured that I was not ready yet....I dont know, mabey she's right...well, I think actully she is...in the case of fight or flight I think this is a good time to fight...but I guess she beat'n down and misses her home....gee I thought all along this was her home....GOD!!!!, I swear, the next time I get "involved" I'll make sure that I'm ready ok....Im sad and Im Mad....I'm.....Smad!!!!....
|Tuesday, May 31st, 2005|
|Trips around the upper statosphere
Alone,thinking of nothing at all as The Good Ship "Sledgehammer" floats quietly 457 miles over The Planet Frackinpale. I cant think of anything at all...the vaccum has somehow sucked a little more than just my appetite away....I think Im hungry but I think Im just bored. I went down to level 8 and sat and watched that stupid Comet known as "The Drifter" clumsily bounce off the high mist that covers the smelly planet below me and went slightly off course and almost smashed into the Moon, Zartah, I thought it would be a spectacular sight as the tail caught up with the Sun rays and shot amazing colors they dont even have names for yet and would blow my mind, but instead it was just a dull white...I wasted my last bag of Grand'mas UTZ and killed the second to the last Pepsi on that shit!!!!. The Universe has everything and more to offer in it's vast and complex pressence, but a dull Comet and ONE more Pepsi!!!, now come on!!!....The Universe has created everything thing for everything but one thing it forgot was the "Planet Pepsi"!!!!, now that would be a usefull Place to make a pit stop amoung the stars, with rivers of the stuff flowing down huge magestic waterfalls...ooppps, I mean Pepsifalls and the grass would be an endless amout of Grand'mas UTZ's!!!!. I cant belive I have to stay here until that stupid ass Robot shows up with the un-maned probe thats supposed to take my place....Jesus, here I thought a little peace and quiet out here(and I mean way,way out here) would get my mind off of the rest of the Universe....but no!!!!, thats all Im surrounded by....BLACKNESS and twinkling white dots...wow, what a ride....I cant sleep, Fuck, have anyone to talk to...oh yeah the ships on board computer...what a personality on that thing, makes the HAL9000 like Chris Rock...I was thinking of taking the Pod out for a spin and perhaps down to Frackinpale for a little obsevation, but the Planets surface is mostly sulfer and smells like a Gigantic fat guy beer fart, and also with my luck, I'll get stuck down there with no way of communicating to Station B56j3...they would just figure I was already asleep in the Cryo-snoozer....assholes, they told me I was gona be the first Man to be this far out, and that this assignment was monumental to the Exploration of Space, but instead they stuck me in this crappy old Datsun Station Wagon of the stars and told me it was temporary....well that was 600 years ago so all I do now is walk around and deplete all my entertainment resorces and smell that fart smell....and I just want to.....oh wait, I think someone is knocking on the window....I'll be right back.
|Saturday, April 30th, 2005|
|Wednesday, February 9th, 2005|
...just a second for a few observations....Im sitting in my old bedroom, the one I grew up in....since I was 12 years old....I came over here to feed my mothers cats and decided to take a few seconds....my old room (witch has now been converted into an office)....still has that "vibe" to it, god knows how many times I got laid in this room, how many bong hits were consumed, bedspins, my old KISS posters and crap...but the cool thing is behind the wall paper still is all the crazy doodeling that me and my freaky friends made with chalk....I wonder if this house is ever sold....the new owners comming in and tearing down the wallpaper and screaming outloud "MY GOD!!!!...Satan's child lived here!!!".....ha!!!, one thing that has not changed is the view out of my window....sure the trees are older and the grass is a tad darker, ...but the wonderful thing about growing up here was the fact that I could sit and stare out into the beautiful Virginia woods...deep dark woods...right now all the trees are bare and the forrest floor is carpeted with zillions of leaves...and the remnats of last weeks snow fall....the sun goes down like a huge basketball and has always filled this room with this weird redish tint....today is a windy one and it makes this crazy sound as it whips around the gutters, like a cross between a train and a bagpipe....I'm watching a big Black Crow trying to fly in this wind and it looks like it's been drinking....flying stupid and awkward...then again he is probibly looking in at me thru the window thinking to him/herself..."Gee, that stupid human in there is typing so slow...he's an asshole...and he can fly anywhere he wants....dick".....some of the best thought of mine....and the freakyist came to me while I was looking out this window...I always called it my "Power Window"....inspiration and such....wow!!!!sometimes it's just cool to go back in time in your mind pretend that everything is still ahead of you...memories come rushing up to meet me now...didnt think I would still be here at 36...but Iam.....HA!!!!, I've made it....wow!!!!...look at me, and comfortable sence of acomplishment just washed over me....I guess things did work themselfs out...somehow, someway....the clouds are moving faster now...the crow is finally resting on a branch...and I feel good.....!!!!yep...I guess things do work out...if you let 'em.......till then....